Amateur Geneticist Regrets Reverse Engineering Velociraptor

Ark 14, Venus – Amateur geneticist, Rudolf London, was admitted to Hillman General Hospital this Saturday with severe lacerations and a fractured tibia after a failed attempt to revert his pet ostrich into a velociraptor. “It’s not that hard, really,” explained Mr. London from his recovery bed, “most of the dinosaur genes are still in there. It’s just a matter of switching them on again, and then poof: feathers go back to being scales, the beak fills up with teeth and the toes become talons. Though I guess maybe that last part wasn’t a great idea.” Mr. London was rescued by animal control specialist, Sgt. P.T. Fuller, who had this to say to any other weekend paleogeneticists: “Everyone wants to jump right in and make a velociraptor, and I get it, they’re cool, chicks dig them, but the truth is it’s a lot more dangerous than people think. Your best bet is to start off with a chicken and try to make something like a compsognathus. They’re a nice, manageable size, fairly safe if you don’t make more than three or four of them, and you’ll save a fortune on ostriches.”

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