Archeologist Discovers Amazonia Not Founded By Amazons

January 26, 3018 - 1

Seattle, Earth – Earlier this month, Earl Clint, professor of archeology at the University of Olympus Mons, discovered that Amazonia – the mysterious South American forest nation known for its beautiful but violent women – was not actually founded by […]

Man Turns Off AR, Becomes Horribly Depressed

December 31, 3017 - 0

Delaware, Earth – Local loan adjuster, Trenton Hamar, became soul crushingly depressed when he irrationally turned off the Augmented Reality feature of his iPhone 508s.  According to his wife, June, he was struggling with “some existential bulls**t” before he switched […]

Thousand Year Old Redwood Tree Has Midlife Crisis

November 1, 3017 - 0

San Francisco, Earth – Today marks the 1000th year anniversary of the planting of famous redwood tree, George. A small ceremony was held at the Muir Woods National Park, but friends of the beloved icon worry about his recent erratic […]

Amateur Geneticist Regrets Reverse Engineering Velociraptor

September 5, 3017 - 0

Ark 14, Venus – Amateur geneticist, Rudolf London, was admitted to Hillman General Hospital this Saturday with severe lacerations and a fractured tibia after a failed attempt to revert his pet ostrich into a velociraptor. “It’s not that hard, really,” […]