Top Critic: 8D Films are Just a Fad!

October 22, 3018 - 0

Siriwood, Sirius System – Controversial film critic, Ulrich van Lome, went on one of his infamous Twitter rants this Thursday afternoon, attacking the major studios for trying to “force this failed 8D technology onto consumers just so they can make […]

New ForeverPups™ Kind Of Annoying After A While

October 8, 3018 - 0

São Paulo, Earth – It’s been one year since the launch of GenTech’s wildly popular ForeverPups™, and sales have dropped off sharply. The line of dogs, which stay in a puppy-like state for their whole lives, has recently seen its rave […]

Man Turns Off AR, Becomes Horribly Depressed

December 31, 3017 - 0

Delaware, Earth – Local loan adjuster, Trenton Hamar, became soul crushingly depressed when he irrationally turned off the Augmented Reality feature of his iPhone 508s.  According to his wife, June, he was struggling with “some existential bulls**t” before he switched […]

Amateur Geneticist Regrets Reverse Engineering Velociraptor

September 5, 3017 - 0

Ark 14, Venus – Amateur geneticist, Rudolf London, was admitted to Hillman General Hospital this Saturday with severe lacerations and a fractured tibia after a failed attempt to revert his pet ostrich into a velociraptor. “It’s not that hard, really,” […]

Y3K Strikes Again

August 25, 3017 - 0

Geneva Station, Low Earth Orbit – The Y3K bug, which threatened to shut down all computer activity at the turn of the millennium, may not have been as inconsequential as was once thought, says a new report from the Centers […]