Man Comes to Regret Breaking Wind in Spacesuit

Cadillac Spacedock, Jupiter Orbit – Some time during his last shift, extravehicular riveter Doug York was overcome by the urge to pass gas. York resisted for several minutes before eventually giving in and cutting the cheese. “At first, it was a huge relief,” confided York, “but then, like ten seconds later, it hit me, like really hit me. I mean, everyone knows you gotta wait till you’re out of the suit before you toot the trumpet, but I had no idea it would be so bad!” According to Igmat Loren, a graduate student at the Jovian Institute of Aerostatics, the methane gas produced by flatulence usually dissipates significantly by the time it reaches your nose but that, in York’s airtight suit, it must have been like “having someone play a tail serenade right in your face”. He added that a similar effect could be achieved by making your own bubbles in the bath. York says he regrets firing off the rectal rocket, and at press time he was considering cracking open his visor to “get a little air.”

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