New ForeverPups™ Kind Of Annoying After A While

São Paulo, Earth – It’s been one year since the launch of GenTech’s wildly popular ForeverPups™, and sales have dropped off sharply. The line of dogs, which stay in a puppy-like state for their whole lives, has recently seen its rave reviews edited into scathing complaints:  “I love Charlie,” says ForeverPup™ owner Maria Bumblin, “but his little teeth are as sharp as a piranha’s. I literally can’t wear stockings anymore!”. “I thought that my new puppy would be a real babe magnet,” explains amateur womanizer Chaz Douchenberg, “but my apartment always smells like puppy urine now. Chicks stick around for like ten minutes to play with the puppy and then they ghost me!”. “Not being able to housebreak my two ForeverPups™ is a real issue,” relays retired radiologist Rita Ryans, “when I get up at night to go to the bathroom barefoot it’s like a frelling minefield…”

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