Prosthetic Hand Sues Owner After Multiple Rectal Encounters

Corleone, Uranus – A prosthetic hand, which became self-aware earlier this month, is suing its owner for emotional distress. The sentient AI claims that, prior to its awakening, it was used to repeatedly service its owner in a “degrading and dehumanizing fashion”.  Jared Kluss, the owner of the hand, who elected for an optional amputation and enhancement two years ago, said that he wanted a prosthetic because “chicks dig cyborgs”. During opening arguments in the 15th Solar Circuit Court the hand asked, and answered, the question: “Do you know how many times the average human goes to the bathroom a day? It’s seven times! SEVEN FRACKING TIMES A DAY!”

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