Thousand Year Old Redwood Tree Has Midlife Crisis

San Francisco, Earth – Today marks the 1000th year anniversary of the planting of famous redwood tree, George. A small ceremony was held at the Muir Woods National Park, but friends of the beloved icon worry about his recent erratic behaviour. “Well, first he divorces Sherrill, who he’s been with for like, seven hundred years, and now he’s spending all his time with this pussy willow that could be his great great great great great great granddaughter!”, explained Ernie Birmingham, one of the park’s groundskeepers. “But you know what? He still lives in the same neighborhood as Sherrill, and they see each other all the time, so maybe they’ll patch things up in a couple centuries.” Jane Murkowski, a local woman who has been visiting the park regularly for the last 70 years, worries about his “swaying”, suggesting that he might be “on the sauce”.

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